My Heart is Glad - Billy Boy

When I was a little boy sometimes I was scared by the world.  I was a little shy, a little overweight, a little poor, and maybe all of these made me a little insecure.  But there were many people in my life that lifted me up.  One was a teacher that I had in kindergarten.  She would sing nursery rhymes to our class.  It seemed that there were some she would sing directly to me.  The songs touched my heart then and still do today.  My favorite was Billy Boy.  If you don't remember the song, it started like this:

               “Oh, where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?
                 Oh, where have you been, Charming Billy?”

More than 47 years later, I can still hear her singing that song in my head.  I still hear her voice.  I don’t remember her name or her face, but I remember the melody, her voice, and how it made me feel.  I do remember that she was young.  I remember she had blonde-red hair and her voice was joyful.

Through-out out my life, whenever I doubt myself, that song still comes back to me.  Remembering the song, her voice and her smile, I am no longer insecure.  A song that a young teacher sung to feed the spirit of a six year old boy still makes my soul rejoice today.  The memory feeds me good thoughts, good feelings and confidence.

So, how do I feed my soul today?  I turn to God and I feel his grace in me.  Praying, I open myself to God.  I feel the joy and love that is Christ touching my heart.

In Psalms, the words of King David “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.”  They psalm continues, “Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices; my body rests secure.”  I was touched by a small bit of God’s good when I was six years old through a teacher singing to me.  It is a good that has been with me all my life.  It has made my heart glad and my soul rejoice.  Many times in that memory, I felt secure.  God was there in that little song. God is still with me and has always been with me.  No matter where I have been.

That's What My Momma Told Me

In the time before cell phones, one Friday, I came home from college.  After briefly visiting with my parents (basically a hello and what do we have to eat), I left again.  I headed out to go fishing and camping with my brother and friends. 

We fished all weekend.  Then, Sunday morning about 6 o'clock, a game warden walks into our camp and asks for me.  He had a single message, "Your momma's looking for you, you need to go up to the landing and call her."

Even though the game warden did not say there was a problem, my dad was sick and I thought the worse. Everybody at the landing looked at me when I arrived.  They all knew more than I did. 

I called my mom.  When I hung up, the old man at the bait shop said, "You've got to be the biggest baby I ever saw."  My mother had called speaking to the owner of the bait shop.  "Have you seen my baby? He's a football player about 6'4" and 275 pounds." He shared it with every one in the bait shop.  They all laughed.

I was mad. I was 22 years old and did not even live at home.  My mother did not apologized but explained that she loved me.  She only did what she did out of love.  Some day, I would understand.

I promised myself,  I'm not going to be like my momma.  I'll never embarrass my children like she embarrassed me.  I forgot that promise and have embarrassed them many times.  My eyes have been opened to what my mother preached to me, "Tell me where your at, tell me when you'll be home, let me know."   I have experienced worry and concern in my own heart.  My mind has been opened to understanding what she did.  I understood love.

Christ does this.  Jesus Christ opens our eyes and our minds to understanding.  He opened Mary's eyes at the tomb to recognize him. On the road to Emmaus, the risen Christ opened the eyes of Cleophas and the other disciple with the breaking of the bread.  Christ Jesus opened the minds of the Apostles so they could understand the scripture.  As true Christians, our minds and hearts are to be opened as well.

In the catechism, it states "it pleased God, in his goodness and wisdom, to reveal himself and to make known the mystery of his will.  His will was that men should have access to the Father, through Christ, the Word made flesh . . ."  God the Father, loves us so much that through Christ he opens our eyes and through Christ he opens our minds. We understand why God the Father did, why Christ did, everything that was done. It was out of Love.

That's the same thing my Momma told me. 

"Peace Be with You" - So, How Screwed Up Am I?

I ask myself a lot, especially when I see myself stumbling. "How screwed up am I?  Do I know his peace?"

Jesus gave us his peace.  Before Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane and before Jesus began the way of the cross, Jesus gave the apostles peace.  In sharing his peace, Jesus gave peace to each and every one of us. Being human, maybe we screwed this up?

Sometimes our best intentions can screw us up. When my daughters were younger, my family went to a theme park that had a large wooden roller coaster.  One of my daughters wanted to ride it with her daddy.  Wanting to make her happy, we rode it together.  When we got off, everyone laughed at me. You were white! You looked so scared! 

I said that I wasn’t scared but it was a lie. They were right.  But, I wasn’t scared by the roller-coaster; I loved them.  Being over six foot three and three hundred pounds I was afraid for my daughter who was not much over four foot six and maybe sixty-five pounds.  All I could imagine was being thrown against her, again and again.  

The whole ride, I thought “How screwed up is this!”  After the ride started, I was fighting to keep myself from bashing against my daughter.  I was so scared that by doing what my daughter wanted me to do I was going to hurt her.  I fought so hard, I could not enjoy the roller-coaster.

I think this is my life.  I think it’s other people’s lives, too.  Each of us can be so scared of being human.  So scared that the ride is going to throw us somewhere we don’t want to be, that we don’t enjoy it.  How screwed up am I, are we?

I know that I sit in a roller-coaster, in middle of the ride that is my life, on the ride God has asked me to take.  I think to myself, “How screwed up am I?”  I think in this, I forget that Jesus promised his peace.

I see myself being thrown about, pulled from one direction to another, thrown to this one with needs and another who wants.  Pushed and pulled into their lives.  Just like on a roller-coaster being whipped left and right or thrown up and down. 

Everybody is watching me.  I asked myself, “Are they impressed with me?  Am I impressed with me?”  I feel drained white and scared.  As I am thrown about; I am afraid that I am going to cause someone to be hurt.  

Then, I find his peace. Jesus promised his peace and I find his peace in the face of those I help and those I pray for and those I love.

Paul wrote to the Corinthians “Be like Me” for like you “I am a man.”  In these words, I think we need to remember that we have to live our own lives.  Every person’s ups and downs are different.  Maybe we are thrown about by injustice, addictions, shame, or something we have put in the back of our minds trying to forget.  We have to realize we have been thrown down before we can rise to new heights.  This high is the place where we realize that Jesus promised his peace.

Many seek peace on this condition, "I don’t wanna change," and stay on the ride because it's all we know.  But, our life with Christ is a ride that changes us.  A change that is there no matter how screwed up we are if we are open to the peace that Jesus gave us.  Peace comes when we focus on Jesus, the peace that is with us.  It is his peace that will change us.

Creation, Evolution, and Salvation

This week there was a debate between a scientific evolutionist and a fundamental creationist.  Each one standing at opposite ends of justice. They stated their case.  Now, I have my two cents to add.

In support of the creationist:  Human beings are not a mistake, a freaky branch in the chain of life.  Human beings are the fruit of the love of God, not a chance occurrence.  Human beings are the result of the will of God the Father, our Creator. 

Believers know this.  Yes Father, you have willed us.

In support of the evolutionist:  Humanity’s existence is influenced by all that is the history of the world.  In this history is hate, violence, prejudice, ignorance, and sin which has been imprinted on us. But humanity has experienced the history of human goodness, love, and achievement.  Both good and evil are present in us.

In this dualism, humanity evolved.  But, God and grace are in our history, too. Through God and grace, human beings have become who we are; and, what we are to become.

Life is not a straight line. I cannot sit at the beginning of me and see me that I am to become.  There are too many bumps, curves, and intersections.  Life is not a straight line of sin and it is not a straight line to salvation.  Yet, God always has a straight line to us that we fail to find. 

An example is the fruit tree.  Most fruit trees have trunks and branches that are bent and knurled; maybe, full of thorns; maybe, the stem is brittle or poisonous.  The branches can be broken, curved, and knotted, but at the end of the branch is the fruit. The places were the distractions of the tree end and the goodness of the fruit begins, the source of new life.

Salvation is that place offered to us by God.  Salvation is beginning of a new life, where we begin to find a new earth; where we begin to find a new heaven; where we begin to see that straight line. 

We are given salvation by God who accepts us even though we find ourselves clearly unworthy, broken, knurled, some even poisoned.  Humanity stands before an accepting God that brings us to the place of salvation, to a place of peace where God’s justice resides. 

So for evolutionist and the creationist let us remember the words of St. Josephine Bakhita - Be good, love the Lord, pray for those who do not know him.  What a great grace it is to know the Lord.