"Peace Be with You" - So, How Screwed Up Am I?

I ask myself a lot, especially when I see myself stumbling. "How screwed up am I?  Do I know his peace?"

Jesus gave us his peace.  Before Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane and before Jesus began the way of the cross, Jesus gave the apostles peace.  In sharing his peace, Jesus gave peace to each and every one of us. Being human, maybe we screwed this up?

Sometimes our best intentions can screw us up. When my daughters were younger, my family went to a theme park that had a large wooden roller coaster.  One of my daughters wanted to ride it with her daddy.  Wanting to make her happy, we rode it together.  When we got off, everyone laughed at me. You were white! You looked so scared! 

I said that I wasn’t scared but it was a lie. They were right.  But, I wasn’t scared by the roller-coaster; I loved them.  Being over six foot three and three hundred pounds I was afraid for my daughter who was not much over four foot six and maybe sixty-five pounds.  All I could imagine was being thrown against her, again and again.  

The whole ride, I thought “How screwed up is this!”  After the ride started, I was fighting to keep myself from bashing against my daughter.  I was so scared that by doing what my daughter wanted me to do I was going to hurt her.  I fought so hard, I could not enjoy the roller-coaster.

I think this is my life.  I think it’s other people’s lives, too.  Each of us can be so scared of being human.  So scared that the ride is going to throw us somewhere we don’t want to be, that we don’t enjoy it.  How screwed up am I, are we?

I know that I sit in a roller-coaster, in middle of the ride that is my life, on the ride God has asked me to take.  I think to myself, “How screwed up am I?”  I think in this, I forget that Jesus promised his peace.

I see myself being thrown about, pulled from one direction to another, thrown to this one with needs and another who wants.  Pushed and pulled into their lives.  Just like on a roller-coaster being whipped left and right or thrown up and down. 

Everybody is watching me.  I asked myself, “Are they impressed with me?  Am I impressed with me?”  I feel drained white and scared.  As I am thrown about; I am afraid that I am going to cause someone to be hurt.  

Then, I find his peace. Jesus promised his peace and I find his peace in the face of those I help and those I pray for and those I love.

Paul wrote to the Corinthians “Be like Me” for like you “I am a man.”  In these words, I think we need to remember that we have to live our own lives.  Every person’s ups and downs are different.  Maybe we are thrown about by injustice, addictions, shame, or something we have put in the back of our minds trying to forget.  We have to realize we have been thrown down before we can rise to new heights.  This high is the place where we realize that Jesus promised his peace.

Many seek peace on this condition, "I don’t wanna change," and stay on the ride because it's all we know.  But, our life with Christ is a ride that changes us.  A change that is there no matter how screwed up we are if we are open to the peace that Jesus gave us.  Peace comes when we focus on Jesus, the peace that is with us.  It is his peace that will change us.