people say i would love you if i had the time

people say

i would love you

               if

                          i had the time

time in the moment

called now, likens

to a lover

expectantly reaching

tenderly 

            to a future love

to touch the small of the back

that now is a love

past

in the moment, now

of time - love

the wedding dress

           is always used

only the future bride

is dressed

          unstained, virginal

soiled by the lover

now

the lover, now

is never not,

         the same only now

but different in a moment

in both

the excitement and boredom

future and past

always looking

i would love you

               if

                          i had the time

time - love

found in a changing

thing changes

never one and the same

before and after

Identity is found

In the now

before it is violated

but if

the same is the same

before and after

change did not change

time did not love

or experience

now

look at the past

to find

what is true to build

a future

better than now

with only moment

to build

continual now

time – love in moments

is eternal of

God

of eternity, outside time

before the beginning and the end

eternal love, pledged

love in the past

is the first greatest

love in the future

is the last greatest

constant greatest of the moment eternal

what shape

is time

a line,

without beginning or end?

what shape

is eternity,

a point

without beginning or end?

and eternal depth?

what shape

is love

a ray that grows forward?

or shapeless, eternal?

and infinite in

the Father’s perfection

does time - love in

creation grow as

once i die

my now stops becoming

eternal 

to growing time.

In time - love

becomes part of the past

fertilizer laid

growing the reality of time 

harvested in a future

but only nourishment in moments

of memory

that too becomes fertilizer

past feeds the present now and

the future

in prodigy

prodigy, prodigy, prodigy, prodigy,

shipwrecked in

time - love  

lost in the moment of now

lost from the will eternal

lost without understanding

eternity 

without salvation

a future that never comes

because (stalling)

eternal absence

from the horizon constantly redeemed

time - love 

conversion briefly 

discouraged

by

the lover, now, not crossed

in the past

realize 

perception is the truth 

about time - love

              those present

exists over an interval

not including what has happened

in the past

what will occur 

              is the future

is now

not known only anticipated.

the fruits of a human

life time are just now

a moment in eternity. 

i would love you

               if

                          i had the time

yet, eternity’s gaze

               on my moments

hopefully

finds prayer

time in now

making a difference 
               in the moments of others. 

moments time - love

               found in now

found in past

found in future.

knowing time - love

the now

               just past to history

is an absurdity

              cause and effect in reverse

to profess knowledge

                 of the future,

                 of God’s will

except time; except love

known in the moment, 
now.

if

    i had the time

                          i would love you

Time Under the Gaze of Jesus

Time should be considered when we study the Bible.  Historical time, cultural time, and the present time are important to study. God uses time to teach, explain, and grow understanding. Nothing exists (even time) that does not owe its existence to God the creator. (CCC 338)

Recently when addressing the executives of the United Nations Agencies, Funds, and Programs, Pope Francis began with a story from another time.  He told the story of Jesus and the tax collector, Zacchaeus. (Luke, Chapter 19, 1 - 10).  Meeting Jesus, Zacchaeus made a radical change in his life for justice.  His conscience was awakened by the gaze of Jesus.  Pope Francis says that this gaze can be found in the face of the cast off, the suffering, and the left behind.

Psalms 39:9 - My entire life time is just a moment in your hand

Pope Francis had already identified modern society with a "Throwaway Culture."  He was discussing abortion when he made this reference.  This throwaway culture also extends to the injustice found in society.  In an abortion, society discards the future of the unborn.  Injustice in a "Throwaway Culture" discards the history, present, and future of the victims.  People, unborn or born, are not throwaways.

Even Christians can be participants in the throwaway culture. The throwaway resource is often the gift of time that can be given for justice.  Time is the gift of a moment from us to others which ultimately is from the hand of God.

Psalms 90:2 - From eternity to eternity your are God

There is a philosophy of time.  Two of these philosophical ideas are either all time is real (past, present, future) or only the present (now) is real.  St. Augustine said that the present is a knife edge between the present and the future.  This present cuts the past from the future because if now exists forever, it is eternity. 

Time is a real creation and labels only mark the reality of that existence.  The now exists as the moment that overtakes the future as it leaves the past.  In this relationship, what we have done in the past is important, what we do now is important, and what we do in the future is important.  Time no matter how it is labeled is not disposable; but, wasted time is a product of our "Throwaway Culture."  Cherish time as a gift given to us by God’s providence.  It should not be wasted. 

Following Zacchaeus’ example, we can change our hearts and by the blessings of grace the hearts of society.  A person should give there time generously and lavishly no matter what how they measure it.  Time may be an individual’s volunteer efforts, time may be counted in money, and time may be a person’s intrinsic talents.  It should be shared in subsidiarity.   

Political views no matter if they are conservative, liberal, socialist, communist, or libertarian are all relative.  They are established to control time and the talents of a society associated with that time.  Christians should not enslave their time to the relativism of these political and social agendas but should live in God’s providence; building a culture of life and a civilization of love, now and for the future.

The future ain’t what it used to be. - Yogi Berra

Under the gaze of Jesus that is found in the face of others, I realize the truth about time.  A human life time is just a moment in eternity and the action the moment touches the past, present, and future.  I want Jesus’ gaze on my life time to be in moments of prayer and worship; moments making a difference in the moments of others.  Moments found now and in the future and in the past. 

What's in a Name?

Proverbs 22:1: "A good name is to be more desired than great wealth"

What’s in a name?  I took some professional training where one of the icebreaker assignments was to perform a symbolic story with gestures and hyperbole to represent your name.  You were partnered with another student and they had to act it out.  I thought of going to the doctor, being wrapped up in a gauze bandage and then the doctor pinning his bill on my chest.  It was fun over acting. My name is Bill Goss.  Everybody remembered it.

Is a name important? To find out, I chose to do a Bible study from a book in the Old Testament. I asked those who attended to look at the writers of the Bible as ordinary men, writing with inspired and divine inspiration, but also writing for a specific purpose. 

I decided to study the prophet Hosea.  We were going to look at the first three chapters.  This was to ask why some believe every word in the Bible happened as written.  It was intended to get people to study not just read the Bible. The only preparation for the class was to study the first chapters.  This was going to be an interesting discussion.

One of the first things I always look at when studying the Bible is who wrote the book we are studying and what was going on when it was written.  It was probably written by a prophet named Hosea or his followers. These prophesy were written during time when the Kingdom of Israel was in great instability.  The rulers were not good and old enemies were becoming powerful.  The people were straying from the covenant between the Lord and Israel.

To document these conditions, the book establishes some interesting characters.  In the old television show Dragnet, they always said that the names were changed to protect the innocent.  This may be the case.  Let us look a why.

According to the book of Hosea, the prophet married a woman of loose moral virtues. He chased his wife and pulled her from her lover’s arms.  He even raised children that were not his own. Hosea did this because the Lord told him to do it.

Hosea is a name that means “salvation.”  He is the son of the man Beeri.  Beeri is a name that means “well.”  So Hosea son of Beeri could mean “Well of Salvation.”  This is a good name for a prophet.

Hosea married Gomer daughter of Dibliam.  The name Gomer can mean "finished, complete, failure or come to an end." Some Hebrew origins point to the name meaning “standing for the whole.”  Dibliam means two cakes or double portion.  Gomer is a woman that represents the "entire people of Israel who will get a double portion of failure."

Depending on what version of the Bible you are reading, his wife is described in man ways.  Gomer is identified as a promiscuous woman in the more subtle translations.  Other translation, however, are more descriptive using “wife of whoredom”, “marry a prostitute”, “wife of harlotry”, and "wife of fornication.”  This is the woman the Lord tells Hosea to take as a wife.

This marriage represents the covenant between the Lord and Israel and was actually a visionary prophecy.  The word of the Lord came to Hosea.  This was prophesy given to the prophet.  Hosea (the well of salvation) represents God.  Gomer (the complete failure and entire promiscuous family) represents Israel.  The relationship of Hosea and Gomer is a metaphor of the covenant relationship between God and the Israelites.  At first there was love and then a brief period of fidelity, but this was followed by many years of disloyalty.

So when I asked how the class had interpreted the readings, I got a good answers, but not necessarily the ones I expected.  They thought it was a biographical story which actually happened.  Hosea had married an adulterous wife.  His prophesy was written reflecting on his marriage and comparing it to the peoples relationship with God. The names were interesting and probably meant something but did not consider them important.  The introduction to the book of Hosea in the New American Bible, Revised Edition (NABRE) indicates that the names and metaphor are important.

What’s in a name?  Maybe nothing, maybe a lot; but, I'll look at my name. My given name is "William" which means a “strong willed warrior” or “one with a strong desire to protect.”  According to Ancestry.com the family name of "Goss" is the short form of longer names having to with "good, god, and God."  

I think there is a lot in my name and it suits me just fine.

Jesus: The Phenomenon of “I Am”

John 10:9a  -  “I am the gate.  Whoever, enters through me will be saved,”

When I think of the words “I am”, I think about myself.  They are words focused on my own self and experiences.  When I experience pain, perception, or thought, the occurrence in question is expressed immediately as "I am ------."  Experience is personal.  I am in pain. I am happy.  I am big.  I am small.  I am hungry. I am worried.  I am content.  I am in love.  Most of what we experience of our self in life can be summed up simply as “I am ------.”

                            

In philosophy there is a discipline called phenomenology.  My freshman philosophy class in 1979 did not cover this subject.  In our deacon studies, Dr. Wilson had two semesters to review a history of philosophy and was only able to introduce us to the term.  So my googled, self-explained and probably misunderstood definition of phenomenology is the study of how we experience things.  I think “I am” would be a very strong statement in this study.  But, I could be wrong. 

I think of Jesus and when he said “I Am.”  In the Gospel of John, Jesus says “I Am” many times.   In fact, the words “I Am” are said in John about forty-five times.  But, there is the seven times the “I am” (ego eimi) statement is used by Jesus that stands out.  These “I Am” descriptions are paired with terms that are descriptions of God found in the Old Testament.  All are descriptions from the Old Testament with the exception of one, the “I am the gate (door)."

The seven “I Am” statements are:

  I am the bread of life (John 6:35).   

  I am the light of the world (John 8:12).

  I am the gate (door) (John 10:9).

  I am the good shepherd (John 10:11).

  I am the resurrection and the life (John 11:25).

  I am the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6).

  I am the true vine (John 15:1).

This is how the author of John’s gospel understood Jesus.  This is how the Johannine society experienced Christ in their daily lives. 

In a bible study, it was stated to take “the” out of Jesus’ “I Am” statements and put your name in place of “the.”  This is truly the living experience of these statements.

   “I am Bill’s bread of life”,

   “I am Bill’s light of the world”,

   “I am Bill’s good shepherd”,

   “I am Bill’s resurrection and Bill’s life”,

   “I am Bill’s way, Bill’s truth, and Bill’s life”,

   “I am Bill’s true vine”.

Those are powerful ways to experience Jesus' "I Am".  These make me think of how I experience God.  As an apprentice philosopher, if I were to put these in a phenomenological perspective, I would look at one statement; the one “I Am” that is not in the Old Testament.  The one “I Am” statement that allows you to experience and understand all the others - “ I am the gate (door)”.  

I am glad.  Glad because when Jesus said "I Am", it was for everyone.  Thank you Jesus because when I contemplate this “I am Bill’s gate (door)”.  I understand that Jesus is my door to God.  Jesus is the door to salvation.

This is Who I Am

He was very sensible of his faults, but not discourage by them. - "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection (Sept 28, 1666)

My name is William E. Goss, II.  Everyone knows me as Bill except for long time friends and family who call me Billy.  On June 28, 2014, I receive holy orders as a permanent deacon in the Roman Catholic Church.

My dad was a Baptist preacher and truck driver with degrees from Mississippi College and Millsap’s College and attended the Louisiana Baptist Seminary.  The man was a very educated truck driver.  His preaching did not support his family.

My mother was a Catholic girl.  She was raised in the country and attended a small rural school.  Not a very educated person but she was devout in her faith. She was a popcorn girl at the theater when they met.  They dated two weeks and were married for 25 years until my father died.

You don’t preach at a big Baptist church when your wife is Catholic and wears pants to service, especially in the 1960’s.  It was her faith and her relationship with God.  He would not make her believe as he believed.  Love, respect, and perseverance makes success.

I was baptized at two weeks old.  That was my entire formal Catholic formation as a child.  I grew up in the Baptist church and saw how my father was treated by the organized church because my mother was Catholic.  I didn't want anything to do with that religion.

I played football in college and I was a lot better in my mind than in the coach’s opinion.  There were requirements to stay and workout with the team over the summer, I could not do this because my father was sick.  I would go home and work.  This didn't add to my success in football.

I met my wife when she was 17.  I was 23.  She was a good Catholic girl who played organ at mass.  Some of our first dates were to mass.  She told me that she made up her mind to marry me the day she saw me.  My baby face made her mother think I younger than I was so she said we could get married.  The only condition is that we had to be married in the Catholic Church.  We got married the day after she graduated from high school.

My father was in the hospital on a ventilator when we got married and died before my children were born.  In his last years, he attended a Pentecostal church because this is where he felt the spirit.  He was in the hospital for almost a year and I don't remember him being visited by a Baptist preacher or a Pentecostal preacher during this time.  I know a Catholic Chaplin visited him in the hospital because of my mother.

The funeral was held in the hall at the Catholic Church where my mother was raised.  He is buried in a community cemetery behind that Church.  I don’t visit his grave nearly enough.

The priest that had the most profound impact on me was from Nigeria.  An African man who came to the United States as a missionary.  He told us that Irish Missionaries came to his village when his grandfather was chief.  His grandfather thought that his dead ancestors were living in the trees and he worshiped them.  His father became a Christian and the head man of the village allowing him to have several wives.  

I would like to call this a potpourri of unrelated happenings.  Mainly because I like the word potpourri; but, they are related.  All are the seeds of my faults.  I am not discourage because they are the source of the garden of my thoughts.  

I think this is enough.  Just enough to let you know were I am coming from when I tell my stories.  Peace

Being a Disciple

Acts 9:6 "Now get up and go into the city and you will be told what you must do."

I am at a small church.  As I have studied to become a deacon, I have listened to hear what God is telling be to do.  But in a small church this can be confusing.  People come and go, they volunteer and then they don't.  Parents bring their children to learn but only when it is convenient.  In a small church, this is reality. 

But even in a small church things change.  Soon, we will have a new pastor at our mother church, Our Lady of Fatima.  So today, I met with our associate pastor who works with our community.  He laid out his plans for his ministry in the next year.  A simple  plan: we are Christians but we must be disciples, too.  As a community, we must be a community of disciples.  In the Book of Acts, a community of disciples is described.  It includes being a people of prayer, listening to the apostles, sharing the Eucharist and being a community of life.

Christians are called to be disciples.  Like Ananias, who the Lord called to lay hands on Paul, disciples are called to do Christ's work.  Like Ananias, we may be scared and may not think we can do anything.  Ananias is celebrated in the Bible only once.  But his call no matter how small, contributed to make a difference in the world.  A difference that still touches the world today.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, our actions can result in much good.  We can work in small ways to make things better if we make the things that we do count for something whenever we can and where ever we are.  If our work is for God then it will always count for something.  

Acts 9:15  But the Lord said to him, “Go, for this man is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before Gentiles, kings, and Israelites..."

We are all trying to be disciples so we need to live our lives like it is not only a visit in this world.  We are here for a reason and that reason is to live a life of discipleship by showing kindness and love.  Living the life of a disciple can fill the empty in others.  Bringing the community and bringing Christ to those looking for him.

I am only one person; but, I am one that God called.  God calls to all of us.  God calls us to be disciples as we are.  It is as St. Catherine of Siena said, "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire."

I will find the time with my job and my family to truly live the life of a disciple.  With my pastor and associate pastor, I will minister at my small church and to others in my community.  In the summer when the members are on vacation and the pews are empty, I will not be discourage and reach out.

When I am the only one at adult education, I will still study and teach.  When I am called to help, I will bring Christ to those who are empty. I will be a disciple always reaching out to make a difference by caring and acting in big ways in that is needed and in small ways that are always needed. 

Caves, Prayers and Grace

But by the grace of God, I am what I am, and his grace to me has not been in vain. (1 Cor 15:10a)

My wife and I were married only a couple of years when we traveled to San Antonio, TX for a relatives wedding.  During our trip, we stopped and explored the Inner Space Cavern in Georgetown, TX.  It was awe inspiring.   We had never been in a cave and it open our eyes to something unknown to us.

Years later, on a business trip, I had the opportunity to visit Mammoth Cave in Kentucky.  It was so much more than the small cavern we had explored in Texas.  When I tried to tell my wife of its grandeur, she just could not grasp it.  She had only experienced the smaller but still beautiful Inner Space Cavern.  She could not realize the grandness of Mammoth Cave having only experienced a small cave.   She could only relate it to the realness of that she had explored.  

Each of us, no matter how much we try, have only a limited knowledge of God.  However, this is not the way that is natural.  Through God's creation, man was made with the unique knowledge and ability to commune with the creator.  This was in man's created likeness to God.  The first communion, when man received God's breath, brought a uniqueness not found in any other created thing.  But, humanity loss this.

As someone who seeks to serve God, I look for different insights and knowledge of God.  One way is by reading books by authors such as Franciscan priest, theologian, teacher and mystic Fr. Richard Rohr.  His writings have given me an interesting and unique insights.   This is the way that I explore more caves so my communication with God becomes greater.     

Man is in constant search of God.  He wants to make God familiar.  He gives God attributes that are found in man.  This is the intimate cave where many search for that communication and knowledge of God.  Trying to find what was lost in the familiar.  Searching for an essential part of the self that knows God.

In this search for God, we may find many falsities.  In this search, we may accuse God of forsaking us.  God never does.  The true God, our creator, always calls us back to the mystery that is knowing and communicating with him.  This is where those who seek God discover prayer.

God always calls us to this relationship.  God invites us in the silence of our hearts to an encounter with the divine.  God blesses each of us in the grace that calls each person to this mystery.   When this call is realized in its truth,  we answer it with prayer.  We have a new heart born of prayer with a new knowledge and communion with God.

Each person explores God on a path of prayer made up of our life's experiences.   In free will the believer responds according to their heart's course.  The guidepost that marks the path to prayer are the experiences a person has with God.  

For the Church,  prayer is both a gift of grace and the response to grace on our part.   Richard Rohr's view that ". . . grace is not something God gives but God is Grace," is a new cave that I have to explore.  Now, prayer is not just seeking communion and knowledge of God but also a realization of Grace.  

Prayers are like caves.  Both are hidden places so near but out of sight. They are there for us to find.  You must enter a cave to explore it.  Pray to explore communicating and knowledge of God.  Pray constantly by remembering, praising, and thanking God and accepting Grace in every breath.  Prayer opens us to God in which is found Grace upon Grace.

The Truth Is ... (A Good Friday Reflection)

When ever I visualize this gospel reading for Good Friday, I think of darkness. It takes place in darkness.  Everyone has torches and lanterns.  Fires are burning to provide warmth and light.  Even as people fight the darkness, it tries to hide the ugliness of the situation, but darkness also hides truth.

I want to tell you another story when darkness hid ugliness.

When my daughters were about four and five, my family attended a wedding in New Orleans.  The reception that night was at the Metairie Country Club.  Everyone was dancing in a room dimly lit by candles and small lamps.  In this darkness was hidden the truth about the ugliness of my dancing. 

But there was beauty there in both of my daughters who wanted to dance.  So, we danced together.  I took there hands in mine.  They placed their tiny feet on mine and we danced together.  My ugly dancing became wonderful and graceful. I picked them up and danced with them in my arms.

Afterward, they both looked at me.  One said "I l-o-o-o-ve my daddy!"   And then both together, “Daddy, I love you, I love you, I love you."  I looked down at my children and expressed all the joy that I felt in my heart, "I love you! I love you! I love you!"

My story is a simple story about the love that took away the ugliness of my dancing.  But the passion story is also a story about a love that takes away ugliness.  Not a simple story in the events; but, a story of truth based on love.  That truth of love is the simple part.

The passion story is a story of ignorance.  And, ignorance is darkness.  The passion story is about people who do not know the truth of Jesus’ love.  An ignorance expressed by Pilate when he asked "What is the Truth?"

Well, let me tell you Pilate . . .

The truth is that God sent us a perfect model of love and truth.  Jesus Christ is the incarnate Son of God.  He is where love and truth are found.  The Son of God did not stop being what He always was; He became something He never was.  He continued to be the fullness of God, but that fullness was born of a woman and walked this earth as a man. God’s word became a man, human in every respect, the perfect man.

The truth is that Jesus’ ministry on earth was of God.  A ministry performed by the man Jesus, who was totally yielding to the will of the Father and completely dependent upon the Holy Spirit.  Jesus was not God in a man-suit; but God, who was totally a man.  Jesus was God walking in our shoes.  God experiencing life, as you and I do. Jesus’ divinity was expressed through the power of the Holy Spirit as he healed the sick, cast out demons, and worked so many miracles.

The truth is that when given the choice between the goodness and compassion that was the Eternal Son of God and the violence of this world, people chose the world.  They chose Barabbas, a worldly "son of a father."  People chose a worldly impostor over the truth of God.  Yet, the truth is, even today, we still choose worldly impostors in our lives over the eternal Son of God.

In this, humanity becomes entangled in the trap of our sin and sin tears our souls to pieces.  Jesus Christ took our sins upon himself.  He suffered for our sins.  A suffering manifest on the perfect man in the lashes and the beatings, the bruises and the blood, the ridicule and the torment, the torture and the crucifixion - all inflicted by us.

The truth is that God is all powerful and has no need for us. Yet, God chooses to love and care for us.  It was this love that stood before Pilate.  The will of God expressed as Jesus, a man mad with the love of the Holy Spirit.  Jesus in a crown of thorns for all to see - “behold the man." Despite our human lowliness, this man lived the will of God.  In his goodness, He loved us infinitely, even to his death.

The truth is that God’s truth is greater than that of Man.  Jesus offered his human life for our salvation.  It was through God’s sacrifice of God that we could be justified. 

Love is the truth of his passion! 

Love is the truth of his passion!

Jesus said, “For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth." 

Love is the truth of his passion!

It is the truth of Christ’s love to the end that gives redemption, atonement, reparation, and satisfaction.  It was God’s love in this sacrifice that provided merit for our justification and provided salvation to all. 

The truth is no matter what Pilate wrote on that cross; I only see love written on it.  Love is written in the blood of his sacrifice.  Love in the truth that touches the heart.  Through the Holy Spirit, we still know this truth.  The best truth is the simply made known in his love.

Love is the truth of his passion!  

When we think of this truth, we should be like a child.  We take Jesus' hands for him to lead us so that we will not fall.  We let the truth that is Jesus Christ lift us up to carry us in an ultimate joy.

As He leads us, Christ takes away the darkness and ugliness of our sins.  Let us lift our hearts to God, and pray - “Father, We love you!  We love you!  We love you!”  And, as we look to Jesus on the cross, we can know the truth.  It is a simple truth, "He loves us!  He loves us!  He loves us!"

Open Me to Know You

Even when God sets no limits; man will.  This is evident in the apostles. As disciples and apostles, they had a limitless access to God in Jesus.  But while Jesus was with them, they never truly open themselves to know Jesus and his purpose.  They thought they knew Jesus.  Even Peter who declared "You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God!" did not truly know. The apostles never truly knew Jesus until after his death.

All Judas the Iscariot had to do was say "yes" to the Lord and abandon the world. Judas never really did see Jesus' work or hear his words.  He never opened his heart to receive Jesus.  Instead, Judas said "no," by answering "yes" to the temptations of the world.  And after Jesus' crucifixion, Judas' choice became his great anguish.

All Peter had to do was to say "yes" and trust the Lord by accepting his sacrifice.  Peter told the truth when he denied knowing Jesus three times. Even though Peter thought he had totally opened himself to Jesus and said "yes," it was a false piety.  False because Peter never entirely opened his eyes and ears to understand Jesus' message.  Jesus rebuked the piety of Peter, "Get behind me Satan."  It was after Christ Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection, that Peter abandoned everything and ran to know him.

All that the Lord asks - is that we know him.

Dear Jesus,

Help me to rid myself of anything
      that keeps me from knowing you.
In knowing you,
      I also know the Father.

Send the Holy Spirit to
      Open my eyes to see you,
      Open my ears to hear you,
      Open my heart to receive you,
      Open me that I may know you.

Amen

Re-created in the Light

Reflection for 4th Sunday of Lent

1 Samuel 16:1b, 6-7, 10-13a; Psalm 23:1-3a, 3b-4, 5, 6; Ephesians 5:8-14; Gospel: John 9:1-41

When was young, I had my hair curled by a permanent.  After that, I had a crew cut.  I loved poetry; then, I read only science fiction.  I hunted and fished.  I forgot that when I found golf.  When I was young, I constantly changed.   Now, I pray and read the bible.  I am a husband, father, and grandfather.  I work too many hours. This is who I am.  Isn't it funny how only time truly allows us the wisdom to know who we become.

This is the tale we see in the readings.   They outline stories of change and how God can re-create us.

The readings in Lent prepare us for the paschal feast.  The OT readings outline salvation history.  The second reading explains that baptism provides for our participation Christian life in the death and resurrection of Christ.  The Gospel readings tell of the great signs in the Gospel of John that reveal the saving event of Christ’s death and resurrection.

In these readings there are several themes.   The two that this reflection focus on are:

• God wants to re-create us; 
• Christ is the light that recreates us. 

The Gospels portray Jesus in many ways. Jesus is the vine, the bread of life, the good shepherd, and the gate.  He is the way, the truth, and the life.  But in this Gospel story of the “man born blind,” Jesus announces “I am the light of the world.”  This is the light Paul refers to in his letter to the Ephesians.

Jesus used his spit to make clay and smeared it on the blind man’s eyes. In this Jesus removes the darkness and re-creates the man. Jesus gives himself. The man anointed by Jesus as “I am” becomes an unyielding believing disciple.  This man is so new and recreated that not even banishment can sway him from Jesus.  The “I am” gives light and life and in this our God gives and receives love.

God re-creates those who do his will to a new life.   God chose David to be re-created in a new life from shepherd to king.  Jesus chose the blind man.  By Jesus’ anointing, the blind man is re-created to a new life, from unseeing to believing.  Paul states that it is by baptism, we are re-created to a new life; changing from “darkness” to “children of light.”  Through God’s grace, we can be re-created by the “I am” who is “the light of the world.”  God never ceases to draw us to him. (CCC 27) In this, we can find life and happiness. (CCC 30)

Each of us faces some darkness in our life.  The darkness of sin, of lost faith, of unbelief, a darkness created by the world we live in.  The water baptism washes away the darkness and changes us.  Jesus’ spit and clay removed the darkness and re-created the blind man.  Just like the blind man, we are recreated, Christ will give you light so you do not have to fear the darkness.

God created us by breathing into us the breath of life. Jesus re-created the blind man by giving himself in his spit.  We are re-created by the light of Christ. God's shares himself in our creation and re-creation.  He gave himself totally to us in Jesus' sacrifice.  In baptism we are recreated.   We then receive the Lord, the Light of eternal life through the body and the blood of Christ in the Eucharist. (CCC 1336)

Pray and Ask for Forgiveness

This was it, the final meeting with the Bishop before ordination.  I had broken out a new pair of pants and Janet had all her make-up on before we got into the car.  This was such an important meeting that we were on time. Together, we were excited. I was nervous.  Hopefully, we would present ourselves well.  I was not worried about Janet.

I think about this meeting and am reminded of the story that Jesus tells of the Pharisee and the tax collector.  Both go to the temple to pray.  Jesus says the Pharisee “spoke this prayer to himself” as a righteous narrative.  The tax collector prays like a guilty person.  He recognizes his unworthiness, beats his chest and prays for mercy. 

The meeting with the Bishop went well.  When we got to the car, Janet told me that I had cut her off when the Bishop asked her a question.  Honestly, I thought she was through and I wanted to add a comment.  So now, here I am asking for her mercy. (Just kidding)

Sometimes situations in life throws us off-course.  Speaking with friends, we will talked about children who have been thrown off-course.  Each of these parents is a person of faith..  But they see the lives of their children and are afraid that maybe they have forgotten Jesus.    

But Jesus Christ has not forgotten.  Jesus was there for the sinners, the fallen, and the outcast.  And, Christ Jesus is there for us.  As parents or just someone who cares, we do not need to be like the Pharisee.  No matter how righteous or how broken, we are sinners and must pray like the tax collector.  We need to recognize our unworthiness and pray for God’s mercy.  For some, like those we worry about, it may take them longer to recognize this need.  We pray for them.

Maybe in my nervousness, I talked too much.  I am sure the Bishop will forgive me.  Maybe in my nervousness, I hogged the conversation; Janet will forgive me.  Maybe in life, we become lost.  Maybe, we fall again and again; but, God’s grace abounds with mercy and forgiveness.  Pray and forgive others.  Pray and ask for forgiveness. God will forgive us.

Love and Prayers on a Dark Night

In 1986, my wife, Janet, and I had been married a little over a year.  We had moved to Shreveport so I could find a job.  I had not found a job.  Janet, however, was working at a gas station on the night shift.  I would go with her to work and sit in the parking lot.  When her boss left; I would come into the store.  I did this to make us both feel safe. 

One night a tall distinguished priest filled up his car and came into the station to pay.  When he came in, my wife introduced us as Catholics who had just moved to the area.  She also told him I was without a job and asked that he pray for us.  He said he would. My wife then asked where his parish was so we could visit.  He introduced himself as Bishop William Friend, Bishop of the Diocese of Shreveport. (Before this I always thought he traveled with an entourage.) We asked for his blessing.  He blessed us and left.

Pope Benedict XVI said that “an act of love is where we find true happiness.”  When I heard this, I thought the act of love would bring true happiness to the one who brings the act of love.  I remember this simple act of love now and how it has led me to true happiness.

Everyone has a time when we feel alone.  Sometimes it happens when there are people all around us who love us.  Sometimes it happens to even those of us who know Christ and know that God is always present.   It is a feeling of an absence from God and grace.  It is something that everyone goes through.   St. John of the Cross called it the Dark Night of the Soul.  None are spared the dark nights.  These are are necessary so we can learn.

My dark night lasted for many years.  It began before college.  A dark place when I placed myself before God through worldliness.  St. John of the Cross says that God dwells substantially in each of our souls.  I built a wall around that presence of God.   

During this time, I looked for Him.  Searching I visited many different Churches; but, I was not going to look for my answer in a Baptist or Catholic Church in which I had been raised.  In all this looking, I could not or would not open myself to Him. Always, I found a way to place a wall of excuses between Christ and me.   My damaged character caused me to question where was God in my life.   

College was a time when I was looking for my expectations of perfection.  I was looking to please my self.  Many of the women I dated, probably pulled me further away from God; but, the faith that lived in me anchored me so I did not drift too far away. 

Then God brought a beautiful person in my life.  She chose me.  She pursued me and with God’s plan for both of us, she caught me.  I look back and see how great this was. This was my wife Janet, who would bring to me a solid foundation of faith.  Janet is one of God’s greatest gifts in my life. 

My future mother in-law insisted that we would be married in the Catholic Church. I had been baptized Catholic but raised in the Baptist Church.  I had a relationship with Christ.  I knew He was my savior.  But, by the time we got married, inside I felt separated from God.

After we got married, it only got worse.  My father died.   I had a hard time finding a good job. This made me feel that I was not a good husband.  I would get a job and then loose it.  I thought any company that would hire me, would surely be closing its doors within a year.  

During this time, I especially felt that God had abandoned me; but, He never does.  God loved me.  My family and friends loved me.  My wife loved me.  In all my emphasis on me, maybe, I think that I did not love myself.

Janet put up with a lot.  One night with no place to stay, we slept in our car at a rest area along the side the interstate.  I had just found a job so we could not leave the area.  We did find an apartment and then a house.   But this just added to my self torment.  Being a naive and honest person, I did not think a bank would take advantage of me.  Through some creative bookkeeping they allowed me to buy a house I could not afford.  Then, I lost my job, again.  I suffered from self pity.  I remember wanting everyone feel as bad as I did. But my wife always gave me all that she was.  She believed in me and gave me all her love, support and all her trust.  

My wife, mother and mother in-law always said, pray and leave it in God’s hands.  Janet insisted that we go to mass.  Most Sundays, if we had gas money, we did.  She rolled a lot of pennies.  In those times, I would pray for the strength to abandon myself and to be truly led by God.  It was a time of learning; but, a time when I did not know I was learning.  If you want quick happiness, God does not always work that way.  Looking back, I see I had too narrow a perspective.  I saw only me.  My perspective was narrowed by those walls I had been building.  I did not see God in me or the love of Christ that was all around me.

Through the prayers and help of many, I was able to get a good job.  Then the day after I found out I had gotten the job, again the bottom fell out.  Janet was eating lunch with my sister in-law when she lost consciousness and could not be awakened.  The emergency responders had to call in a life support helicopter to rush her to a trauma hospital.  I was driving to meet them for lunch and I saw them place Janet in the helicopter and leave.  All I could do was pray and follow.

Janet was flown to the Schumpert Medical Center, a Catholic Hospital in Shreveport.  When they let me see her, she was awake.  I again felt an absence of God and that inner darkness.  Emergency room, helicopter life flight, emergency doctors, neurologist, now what was I going to do?  When I got the bill, it was devastation.  I was directed to the director of the hospital a sister who told me not to worry.  She asked if I we were Catholic.  Yes, I answered.  She prayed for my family and told me to speak with my priest.  I was such a good Catholic; I didn’t even know the priest name.

God does not expect us to be perfect and without faults.  God just expects us to keep trying never giving up in our spiritual fight.  I could have but I never did.

My wife began to have seizures and these scared me.  I turned to the only help I really knew.  Many nights as she would have seizures, I would sit beside her, place my hands on her and pray. I would ask God for help and to give me the strength to take care of my wife.  But God does not work our demanded schedules.

God’s miracles sometimes happen in ways that we do not see.  My job started and it provided medical benefits.  Janet could afford to go to specialist.  Then my children were born.  I would hold them and pray for them to be safe and healthy.  I turned everything that was important to me, my wife and my children, over to God’s hands.  All the prayers and turning everything over to God worked miracles in me.

I had many people praying for me.  Prayers came from my mother and mother in-law, relatives and my church family, priests and religious sisters and a bishop.  Always praying for me was my wife.  Even though I prayed with my whole heart, I still had that feeling of the absence of God.

Prayers are simple acts of love that bring true happiness.  It had been a long time since I had truly felt close to God.  It had been almost 20 years that I had felt that absence, since I was a teenager and now I was in my thirties.  I had become active in my small Catholic community.  I always went to mass.  When my oldest daughter was preparing for her first communion, I told my wife I wanted to make my first communion at the same time. 

With Janet behind me like she had always been, I walked forward.  I was behind my daughter and five other first graders making first communion.  The Priest held the Eucharist before me and said “The Body of Christ.”  With Christ on my tongue, the darkness left.

Faith and Trust

Genesis 12:1-4a; , Psalm 33:4-5,18-20,22;  Timothy 1:8b-10; Matthew 17:1-9

This week’s readings teach about living in faith and trust.  To be truly alive, to live truly in love, a person needs to listen to God’s call. Following this call must be done in faith and trust.  Following His call opens us to God's purpose and plan.  This is where a person can truly find blessings and happiness. 

Christians hear this call in Christ.  After Jesus’ transfiguration, the voice from the cloud said to the disciples, "Listen to him!"  Listen to what he is saying, Listen to Christ’s call to your heart.

God is always calling us; God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will man (humanity) find the truth and happiness that he never stops searching for (CCC 27).  He called “Where are you?” in the Garden when Adam and Eve hid from him.  Even in our human failings, God is always calling.

God's plan for this world since He created and made man the principal being was to share His own eternal happiness with him.  This plan is  found in the call of Abram.  Abram was a pagan living in Mesopotamia.  God called Abram and convinced him that God alone was the true God.  God alone should be served. This calling had to be a powerful experience because Abram left everything; family, home, and country for God’s call.  This was an act of faith and trust.  In was in this act that Abram would be blessed.  Abram became Abraham and received blessings and happiness. 

The passage from Timothy picks up the message of being called.  Paul explains that the call to be a Christian is not based on our merits.  We are called in God’s purpose and plan just like when He called Abram, the pagan.  This purpose and plan is now found in Jesus Christ and accomplished thorough the strength of faith and trust.  God's purpose and plan is unchanged and unchangeable. In Christ, His plan would come to all.

This introduces the theme of the transfiguration, in which Jesus is manifested as the Savior who brings God’s purpose and plan into the world.  The voice from above says “Listen to him.”   Listen because Christ brings God's purpose and plan to the world.  It is found in Christ’s faith and trust of the Father.  Jesus Christ calls us to the same.  He calls with a reassuring touch to our hearts, “Get up, and do not be afraid.”  In the transfiguration, Jesus showed how we are to let go of where we are and leads us to a new place of blessing of happiness.

No matter how much humanity thinks otherwise, all our vision is limited by the boundaries of human experience.  An experience enclosed by our imperfection, suffering, and sadness; but, in God’s purpose and plan we are all called to blessings and happiness.  In Jesus, we can find the glory that is ours to come. It is God’s purpose and plan, the gift found in blessings and happiness to those who listen to His call with faith and trust. 

Do we serve God or Do we Serve Ourselves?

Genesis 2:7-9; 3:1-7 

Psalm 51:3-4, 5-6, 12-13, 17

Romans 5:12-19

Matthew 4:1-11

Who do you serve?  Bob Dylan sings: 

". . . you’re gonna have to serve somebody. 

Yes indeed, you're gonna have to serve somebody.  

It may be the devil or it maybe the Lord,

But you're gonna have to serve somebody."

In the modern world, people take temptation lightly.  In the Bible, the temptations are usually more serious than just being tempted by a fancy dessert.  In these readings are two separate examples of temptation with consequences that has affected  each of our lives and salvation. 

Temptation is enticement.  An enticement focused on self and ego.  In the face of temptation, Adam and Eve chose to put themselves first instead of the wishes of God.  They fell to temptation.  Adam and Eve had everything but they failed to resist the temptation of the one thing they did not possess. 

Since, Adam and Eve did not resist temptation, the consequences have been felt by humanity for many lifetimes. It made them realize their human weaknesses and it separated them and us from God. 

The second temptation story tests the weakness of humanity as well. Despite his divinity, Jesus was in total acceptance of his humanness.  He entered so deeply into this humanness that all he could do against temptation was abandon his human weaknesses to the divine will of the one who sent him.

Jesus Christ in his humanity did resist temptation and gave  the promise of a new life.  Adam and Eve represent every man and every woman.  They begin a history of human weakness which brings sin and death.  However, Christ gives us a new beginning.  A history that has life and righteousness.  The problem is we are more often going to be like Adam and Eve, even though we are called to be more like Christ.

The Psalm points out the issue of temptation as something we may not understand. “Against you, you only, have I sinned.”  It is not a sin based on shame but pride. 

Both of these temptations could be restated, who you gonna serve?  Will you serve the self-centered sin of our ego.  The sin of denying our need for God. The other choice is the love that is God. Who you gonna serve?

Love, Patience and Mardi Gras Music (?)

The Thursday after Ash Wednesday, I was sitting in a coffee shop with a friend of mine in Covington, Louisiana.  We enjoyed the coffee, friendship, and atmosphere.  Overhead the festive jazz of New Orleans and Mardi Gras still played through the speakers.  A well coiffed and finely dressed lady approached us.  She wore a nice dark pants suit, high heels, and what appeared to be expensive jewelry.  Her look did not portend her future oration. 

It began, “Do you gentlemen like Mardi Gras music?”  And, she appeared to be holding flyers that are used to announce music venues in her hand.

My friend Rusty, a resident of the area, quickly answered “yes.”  She gave him a flyer and then began a machine gun like rapid fire apostletizing.  

“Do you believe the Jesus is coming again?  He will come in three years.  The world is about to come under attack by the Antichrist.  A new computer is being developed that can bypass every password; this will begin the totalitarian dictatorship of the Antichrist.  We will be required to have numeric codes on our foreheads and on our hands. This will happen within three years and Jesus will come at that time!!” 

Then, she abruptly stopped, turned around and left.  There was no time to ask questions, discuss her statements, or extrapolate a reply.

I wanted to challenge her. But I remembered that Christ died for all, both the knowledgeable and the weak. God has patience and love for all; even those whose search has lead them on a different road.  Christ is their persistent beacon of return. This should be our example of love and patience

Rusty who has searched through the Catholic, Baptist and Assembly of God churches, look at me and said, “That was strange.  I don’t think I have ever read about computers in the Bible.”  Then he added, “and what about the Mardi Gras music.”